I HEART PEOPLE TOUR

For those of you in my blogdom who do not already know, I am about to head out next week with a bunch of friends and artists on a veggie oil bus and play a 7 night west coast tour called the I Heart People Tour.

Go to www.iheartpeopletour.com (our tour update hub) for tour bloggery!

Also, I'll be releasing my EP, "Two Sides" on a 7"
vinyl for the tour! Check out the
side A track, Drunk and Stuck.

On the road, again!!!

it was here all the time

I am sitting here at my desk listening to Mason Jenning's "Boneclouds" album for the umpteenth time!. I resonate so much with his expressions of faith, which is a stale way of describing his poetic meandering of the notions of faith and belief. In the song, "Some Say I'm Not", one verse describes even more acutely the spot I am currently finding myself in:

"I've been to Egypt, I've been to Rome
I was a young man when I left my home
Looking for something I couldn't find
Now I'm back where I started, it was here all the time"

I have recently began a few new religious endeavors, one of which came as a surprise, but an imperfect and absolutely timely surprise; which I translate as meant to be. Irvine United Congregational Church is a lovely, peace and justice, open and affirming, home-baked goods and coffee on the sidewalk after the service kind of community. AND they even have a potluck after the last service on Sunday mornings! Free and delicious food!! Last Sunday, after distributing "bread not bombs" pins to everyone there, I sat down and spoke with a congregant in his eighties for 20 minutes. This man shared some stories about his separation from his family, namely his brothers. All three of them were Evangelical preachers in the Midwest. This man, who used to be an Evangelical preacher, years and years ago, has spent his entire life trying to translate or not translate his beliefs and disbelief's to his brothers. Over the course of our conversation, we came to the mutual understanding that it can be very difficult to truly talk to folks (of any belief system) that work within a small paradigm of light and dark or good and evil. The framework of the American Christian mind seemed to be something both of us had outgrown. But there we were, in a church in Irvine, eating potluck food, wearing our "bread not bombs" pins and though few traditional "statements of faith" were used in our conversation, I felt that I had communed.
I found someone who understood one of the aspects of my life from personal experience and
we were happy to have found each other.

Stepping back into churches after taking a 2-3 year break from them (for the most part), is usually uncomfortable. Sometimes I fall asleep to keep myself from mentally ripping apart all that is going on. It's just the way my brain works, I suppose. I can't just shut it off or not take personally all the male pronouns and degradation of homosexuality or any other "un-traditional" way of being. And yet, I can't get away from the fact that I do love to sit and invite the Spirit of peace, life and death into my mind in a communal setting. I love pews. I love listening to someone who has studied a biblical or other sacred text, translate their interpretation to me, using stories from their life with their own expressive twist. I love having someone bless me through a ritual; partaking in the eucharist, coming to terms with the reality of my own body and blood, my own smallness and all the workers in the world who have died or live in resource poor conditions to make the food prepared for so many of us consumers. Only in a place that actively acknowledges all those factors, can I let my guards down...and stay awake.

The final line in that verse of Jenning's song simply reflects my feelings of now, "Now I'm back where I started, it was here all the time". I do not mean to imply that I am re-embracing some general idea of church-life or that "I have returned to the flock", rather I am astounded to be in the midst of a group of people who gather weekly and endure one another, bless one another, declare peace as their policy, have potlucks, sit in pew-ish church rows, renounce a single-gendered god, accept ALL people at ALL times and are going to let us through a Drag Party!!!
Further, the "thing" that "was here all the time" is the peace of mind I am finding in myself, in communing with these folks at IUCC and in the joy that comes from that communal and ritualistic life.

Not only am I glad to be a part of this particular church in some Sunday morning capacity, but I get the great opportunity of teaming up with Elizabeth, one of the pastors, and a few other folks to begin a new progressive/alternative evening service on Sundays called, "Bread for the Journey". We get to make it up! Recreating church is an incredible experience (to put it simply)! We're having our first service next Sunday at which we'll be singing two songs from Jenning's "Boneclouds" album! One of which is aptly titled, "Jesus are you real". I'll finish the post with some of the final lyrics to that song:

"When you do not know, you know
and when you know, you do not know
and when you think you do, you die
and when you do not think, you grow

Are we left here in the dark
or are we left here in the light?
it seems to me that both are true
and it's up to us to know what's right

All I do is doubt you, god
all I do is love you, god
all I do is question you
what else can I do?

This world was never solid ground
religion cannot help me now
all I do is search for you
what else can I do?

And when I say I search for you
I mean I search for peace
I search for hope, I search for love
and one day for release

God give me strength to accept the things
that I just cannot know
And even when I lose control
I will not let you go."

-Mason Jennings, "Jesus Are You Real"


facebook.com/breadforthejourney

evangelical crack, finding the balance

I have now entered the young to old adult tradition of constant annoyance with my work and non-work imbalance. The dubbing of this tradition has been assumed, as I am not sure yet how to fix this imbalance. I was taught to live a life of constant meaning-making, belief and positive thinking, though it wasn't named after any of those non-Christian terms. I remember starting my day with prayers that sealed the pain I felt from life's up and downs in a small place inside my heart that was hardly ever given attention. My prayers, mainly consisting of hope, positive expectation and certainty, were the centerfold of my evangelical reflection; also the base of my ignorance of politics, psychological health and social blind-sided-ness. It's not like this for everyone and though I have a multitude of friends who have experienced this centerfold dilema, either in their personal history or current beliefs, but the inner workings of the Christian Evangelical life that I led, had me thinking positive, confident, and certain. In time I found this unsustainable.

I have left the practices and culture of the American Christian Evangelical church ("non-denominational": though that does not accurately regard where my childhood church was started, initially funded, or legally affiliated) for so many reasons. The first part of my transition to my current spiritual/economical/political practice happened when I moved to college. In southern California I did not have the same people, church, or reputation; what I later learned to call my identity. In my past no one talked about personal identity as a changeable or tangible social construction, rather it was poetically drafted into the New International Version of the Bible and various mysterious stories about people's personal lives and the changes that occurred when that individual had responded or been a recipient of a supernatural interaction, however normal or abnormal it might be (I experienced many of these mysteries). Thus began my conquest and enrapturing experience of academia, feminism, bi-sexuality, art, Christian organizations, churches, biblical studies, independence, and activism. When I realized that the identity I found most honest and most personally connected to no longer fit the Evangelical mold, I was slowly and naturally phasing out of those circles and networks as a professional. I mean, I was going to be working at an Evangelical Christian institution for the rest of my life until just a couple years ago. Now I have left that work to some friends and some folks who I hope to shake off like dust from my sandals - some of them, I will see again, as life so unravels, and I will stretch my fabric to intertwine with forgiveness if I have the strength.

Now, as a woman, tied to her heart and mind, I find myself sinking into the negativity of the secular institution. A slave to sloth and financial insecurity, my heart and mind sometimes morph into the wheel of fortune and time ticks away on pegs of different calculations and theoretical options for my adult profession and way of life. I used to rely so heavily on the time tables of school and church activity. These days my months are both short and long and this whole last year a trial at living without any system but the one that I create. And my emotional solitude so easily cramped in between different productions and going somewhere. I have all this space to balance all that I desire and yet I have found my former evangelical love affair a habit that my dependancy and identity became entwined with and still crave. It was almost like a crack addiction: now I have to create a new lifestyle, equipped with all the positives of my past while reinforcing my identity as the woman who is aware of her economical, spiritual, emotional and sexual self. And somehow as an adult you figure out how to balance all of that simultaneously with a job? To all of you adults out there, I put it to you for getting through the times of imbalance and professional exploration. I believe things will change, but also know that it is important to embrace the now and be cool with it, "Don't stress. Shit happens." My theological training is a lot less articulated these days, but maybe that's part of the balance.

nothing and everything

I do not need to be writing anything in particular, nor should I be writing, given the usual bodily cycle during this part of the night. REM. But I am letting my blog lobes connect, so it is very much like REM, in the back and forth kind of way.

I do have a new video I am literally posting everywhere.
It's what I've been told to do by the nature of the striving artists around me.
My neighbor Reuben did a smashing job and filmed me and some of the artist's
from www.shiftartistscollective. He is a big time cinematographer and if the version sucks on here, know that cannot see the full quality, then. It was done in HD and on the new industry Red camera, a fine piece of equipment. The collective is going to release the full quality, edited DVD in the spring. Should look really really nice!
Thanks Reuben!!

Tour of the Maimed Jaw - Part 2

Well, I am burning off another batch of cds for the last leg of the tour, sitting at the computer at my sister's house in Richmond, VA. (listening to my little nephew, Isaiah, play with his bouncy toy station downstairs:) I have had a few stops since the last post: Louisville, Decatur, Chattanooga, Nashville and Richmond. I have continued to meet some great people and make friends with most of them.

After the 23 hour long Greyhound ride from San Antonio, TX to Louisville, KY. I stayed with my second aunt and uncle, Bill and Janet, and had an awesome time with them, as they are very relaxing and sincere people! Janet even indulged in Taco Bell with me, the sign of a great friend!
(Their dog, Zuri, pictured above looks like my late dog, Pierre! She was fun to hang-out with, too.) I shared a few songs at CCC, a really awesome Presbyterian church that Sunday night, and was totally grateful to be part of their church community that night. A group of women in their church took a vow of intentional community for an upcoming knitting/charity! So sweet!

From their I took a late night greyhound to Atlanta and met up with my cousin, Heather, and her wife, Alexis,(picture above) and their super big and fury dog, Roo! They rock, so hanging out with them for dinner and the open mic at Eddie's Attic was great! I didn't make the finals, but I met and heard some incredible acts and had a really great time. (pictures above)

After Decatur/Atlanta, I Greyhounded on up/over to Chattanooga, TN, to Covenant Christian College for a dorm lobby show. My friend, Katie, set up the evening with free coffee and we had two sets with a good 20+ students at both! It was a lot of fun and the students I met were very nice! The view out over Chatt from Lookout Mountain, where the college is, was gorgeous and one of the only things I remembered to take pictures of.

Next, I went to Nashville to play at an event at Vanderbilt, put on by their Divinity School's Women's Resource Center. It was an event with different Divinity School artists (poets, musicians, drummers) centered around National Love Your Body Day(10/15). The sincerity and absolute artistry was so welcoming and amazing. My friend's, Meagan and Beau took me out to BBQ and let me stay at their place....and took me to the airport! They rock!

And now I'm in Richmond at my sister's place, spending irreplaceable time with family (namely the most handsome nephew pictured above, Isaiah) and resting. I played at a local pool hall and bar on Friday and part of my sister's entire neighborhood came! They're so cool and funny! It was a great and fun show...I'm going to do my best to include video from the Richmond show.

Tomorrow, we're all heading up to Washington D.C. for the afternoon before I hang-out with the interns at the Sojourner's House. From there, Julie will be joining me onto NJ, NYC, upstate NY, and Cleveland and I'll finish the tour by myself with a few dates in the Chicago area and hopefully in Minneapolis. Thanks for all the support! I've been able to come up with some pretty fun material on the road, which is unexpected. I'm thinking of beginning the next album in April after visiting Seattle for a Northwest tour...should be good.

peace, johanna

Tour of the Maimed Jaw - Part 1

(my friend, Steve from Austin)

(during my set at cheatham street's writers in the round...oh, Texas)

(Jodi, Me, and Gina...my escorts of Austin)

(my escortees of I-10, from L.A. to Phoenix)

(wonderful folks at the rainbows fest in Phoenix)

(gina @ MoMo's, www.ginachavez.com)

(Jodi, sweet corn, my curious stomach(not shown))

(picture at Cheatham Street Warehouse in San Marcos, TX)

Update #1:
I'm currently writing from good ol' San Antonio, Texas...by way of L.A., Phoenix, and Austin.
I had quite the time already. Can't say that record sales are on any sort of a high, but I have made some great friends...i.e.:
Phoenix: Brandi Amorose in Phoenix (a totally incredible singer/songwriter who is just at the beginning of a fabulous journey in music; www.myspace.com/brandiamorose), Jen Cody (another Phoenix local who rocks by way of blog- imlettinggo.blogspot.com), my friend Lindsay Fowler and her family really took care of me and Matt and Robbie for the weekend, too! Matt and Robbie are true friends/band mates as they drove back to L.A. in the middle of the night on Sunday after a weekend of no pay! They rock! I got a good picture of them sleeping on the way to Phoenix saturday morning(above)!

Austin: Gina Chavez (www.ginachavez.com) put me up in her apartment and played an absolutely killer show at MoMo's that monday night! (pictures above) I met a couple great friends on Tuesday night in Austin! Jack, the best "singer" songwriter in Austin, embroidered me a little name tag at Ruta Maya's, where I played the open mic. My friend, Karolina introduced me to another friend, Belinda and my night was fabulous talking with them! Another man, Robert, let me play one of his 40-50 handmade guitars! It was one of the most beautiful guitars I had ever seen, with 100+ year old wood from British Columbia that he had picked up in his shop/van in the 1970s. On Wednesday I took the bus downtown, again and played on the street outside of University of Texas and made an awesome friend, Steve. (picture above) He had a wonderful and difficult story and was very encouraging to me!
I played with Gina at a writers in the round at Cheatham Street Warehouse in San Marcos later that night.(pictures above) Her and Jodi were so kind to drive me around during my Austin stint...as well as get my stomach wondering about "Texas Bar-b-q".

Now I'm staying in San Antonio with family and just found out late last night that I'm going to open for Pedro the Lion's frontman, David Bazan, at Fuller in a month! Wow, am I excited!!! I also was able to confirm playing for the Sojourners interns in D.C.! I know they are good folks, so I'm really excited to hear what's been going on around their office and house these last few crazy election months!

More news to come! Go ahead and get tickets for the David Bazan show!
Buy in advance for $10 at http://www.emptyframesproductions.com
Or for $14 the day of the show, though it's sounding like it will be sold out.
Thanks for all the support! A special thanks to Sean and Ryan for their pre-trip donations!
They basically made Phoenix and Austin happen! Thanks, guys!

lots of love,
johanna

Also, it must be said that the strangers I have encountered on this trip are radically changing my direction of hope...well, I have always had a hope that was directed towards the future and grace and joy that are always becoming, but this trip has already made my compass hand of hope more sure and steadfast towards that that is becoming. I have been made happy and grateful by the eyes and words of folks who I have known only for moments. Because of them I am overjoyed and not lonely. Thank you to them.

AZUSA the record.

We are done tracking the record and Robbie and Matt are now mixing and mastering. Turns out that we'll have 11 full band tracks and 4 acoustic tracks. Kyle Neal came in and put down harmonica on a couple songs, Tony Ortega (aka: Orem(the sink)) played trumpet on a song, Matt laid down some wonderful slide guitar on a couple songs and we were able to spend some good time on background vocals. I'm excited about the album, but also a little miffed at myself because I could have performed a little better on the vocals...which I had a hard time doing because I was paying so much attention to the click. These are just more things for me to get better at in the future, I suppose. The album will be mastered by thursday (hopefully) and maybe I'll sneak some tracks up on here before the actual June 4th release date.